Jobless man pretends to be employed for a year straight, girlfriend weighs breakup after putting the pieces together: 'I don't actually care if he works right now, but I feel like he's hiding the truth'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 2, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Career lulls: they happen to the best of us. Sometimes the job market dries up, projects fall through, or people just need time to regroup before moving on. But if those lulls turn into secrecy, dodged questions, and outright lies, they can start to wear away at trust in a relationship. As the foundation for a healthy partnership, once trust starts to degrade, things can really start to spiral to a place where there is no turning back.

One woman thought their boyfriend had a steady job with long hours until she started noticing a ton of little red flags. Morning texts came later, his location showed he was at home instead of work, and his vague "project" with coworkers dragged on for months with no real progress. Then he got a new phone, stopped sharing his location, and grew defensive whenever she suggested he find something more stable. She says she doesn't mind supporting herself financially, but she's deeply unsettled by the feeling that he's lying or keeping secrets. 

I'm no stranger to unemployment; it really isn't fun for anyone. But being open and honest with your partner about where you are in your finances and career turns an individual struggle into a shared challenge to overcome together. Teamwork and transparency can make the hard seasons survivable while secrecy only makes the gap between two people grow wider. 

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  • 01

    AITA for getting upset that my boyfriend has been hiding the fact he's been jobless for almost a year?

    Couple arguing while sitting on a couch
    via studioroman
  • 02
    My boyfriend used to have a stable job, and I always thought he was working long hours. Over time, I noticed he started texting
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 03
    me later in the mornings and his location was usually at home, not work. When I asked him about it, he said he and his coworkers
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 04
    were working on a project and looking for financial sponsors, so I let it go. But months went by and whenever I asked again, he
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 05
    would say the project was "almost starting." Eventually, he even got a new phone and stopped sharing his location with
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 06
    me. It's been nearly a year of him saying the same thing. I finally confronted him and asked why he doesn't just get another job.
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 07
    Someone zooming in on a location on a map on their phone
    via leo dadyo pamungkas from Getty Images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    He got mad and said I can't understand because I have a fixed-salary job, and his work as a tradesman is different. I told
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 09
    him if that's how he feels, why can't he just take a steady job like mine. We ended up arguing. I don't actually care if he works
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 10
    right now because I can support myself, but I feel like he's lying to me and hiding the truth. AITA for being upset and confronting him?
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 11
    Man holding up sign that reads NEED WORK
    via Robert Kneschke

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    Casual_Lore Nta He lied...to your face...for months. Why on earth are you still with someone who treats you that way?
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  • 13
    He didn't come clean until confronted and then tried to make you the ah for expecting honesty? Uh, no.
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  • 14
    You are nta, but you will be to yourself if you stay with him.
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  • 15
    Bigmacleafs It's the lying that's the real problem here. Losing a job happens, but hiding it for a year shows a serious lack of trust and respect in the relationship.
    via u/Bigmacleafs
  • 16
    harrellj Also, why did he lose the job? Being laid off because the company is struggling is
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  • 17
    unfortunately common right now in a lot of industries but being fired is something I think a partner has a right to know.
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  • 18
    Was he sleeping on the job (should she push to get him to have a sleep study done)? Or was it something like doing dr s (or coming to work impaired in some manner), which would have a
    via u/harrellj
  • 19
    completely different impact on the relationship. The lying is absolutely and utterly horrible, but the reason for losing the job could be yet another red flag.
    via u/harrellj

  • A parternship is supposed to function like a team; if one party is keeping things from the other, then the team cannot function properly. This pair are not meant to be together. 

  • 20
    A man in his office looking dejected with his office supplies packed away in a cardboard box
    via Jun from Getty Images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    IcyCauliflower4986 OP He had another real steady job before but he earned less. A close friend of his started a business and
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  • 22
    offered him a position, he accepted and started working there. But now the company doesn't get customers I think
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  • 23
    Gusterbug How do you believe even a single word he says to you?
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  • 24
    okilz Earning less is more than earning O
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  • 25
    hairnetqueen it sounds like he does have a job, technically, he's just not earning anything because the company doesn't have work.
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  • 26
    I wonder if he's feeling bad about cutting ties with the company because it's owned by his close friend.
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  • 27
    Starblushh You're not the a h le. The issue isn't him being jobless, it's him. lying for a year and dodging your
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  • 28
    questions. If he can't be honest about something this big, that's a way bigger red flag than not having a paycheck.
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  • 29
    Realistic_Head4279 NTA. Your boyfriend IS "lying and hiding" the truth from you. Doesn't sound like a very good basis for a relationship. Beware.
    via u/Realistic_Head4279
  • 30
    You do deserve honesty and should insist on it. There's no good future with someone you can't trust to be open and honest with you.
    via u/Realistic_Head4279
  • 31
    IcyCauliflower4986 OP I mean yes that's why I am concerned, right now it doesn't really matter because we aren't married, but he recently bought me a ring and our families met.
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986

  • So, he is bringing in zero income, but he was able to pull an engagement ring? 

  • 32
    Like I've said, I work and earn enough to support myself, I have an apartment of my own and my car, I don't need anything. That's why I don't. know why he would lie, I don't expect anything from him
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986
  • 33
    shelwood46 He bought you a ring with what money? I assume he lives with his parents because someone must have been financially supporting him for a year, but he's making optional purchases with something, at best his savings, but more likely a credit card. Please walk away. And let him return the ring, he needs the money. NTA
    via u/shelwood46
  • 34
    IcyCauliflower4986 OP He told me he bought the ring long time ago and just waited for the right time to give it to me, so I think he bought it when he was still regularly getting paid.
    via u/IcyCauliflower4986

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boyfriend relationship advice secret fired job lies work relationships girlfriend couples love workplace breakup red flag unemployment dating
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